They tell me to write...
When babies are grown and life is less stressful? When busyness passes and I can just be? Who will listen to the words of this young mother? What in the world do I have to offer?
I heard in a movie once that you can know what your passion is when it is the first thing you think about when you wake up. When you go to sleep dreaming about it and it is all your mind drifts to by default. I am in bed now. 8:20 in the morning. My kids are watching TV, the youngest is still in bed, and I have a little guilt. But I have these words in my head that are always aching to come out. I actually do that. I wake up with words waiting to jump onto paper. I write what would probably be paragraphs and paragraphs…in my head. What good does that do? I start to write and leave my writing to go about my day. Then I find myself with words needing to be spewed. I hear them in my head, write them into nothingness, and it actually feels like a need to write them down somewhere visible.
Maybe I do have a message. How will I ever know? If I don’t take words to the keyboard and release them to my audience. Audience? I don’t know if I want one. Anyone listening would be inside my head. That can make a person uneasy.
What if He has a message? Isn’t all of this about Him anyway? If this truly is a gift of writing that He has granted, isn’t it meant to be used? I don’t know what to say. I don’t always know how to say it. But if He wants me to write, then He will give me the words. He will take these jumbled up thoughts and sentences I have in my head and use them.
Sometimes I wonder. Maybe people are just trying to flatter me. Maybe my husband, mother, aunts, and cousins compliment my writing because they are family. Maybe I will write and people will say, “Her? This??” I have to take that risk. I have to take a leap of faith, because I will only be hurting myself if I hold all of this in anymore. Isn’t everyone on a search to find themselves? Maybe this is me. And so I write. Right away. Write away…I’m taking my leap of faith onto paper.