Dear Diary, I'm a sinner, but God is good

I had to apologize to my kids today...and then I had to pray and ask the Lord to forgive me. It was awful. But also sweet and awesome at the same time.

I have been working in the yard like a dog lately. Derek has been as well, but when I do my stuff during the day, I am on my own with the kids.

(insert unsolicited advice here: Don't try to do tough yardwork when you are in charge of four small children. Wait until the weekend.)

(meet my small yet obvious problem if you know me very well: obsessive personality. Once I set my mind on something, I have a hard time quitting!)

Today I was laying a row of bricks to outline a flower bed, and on top of my frustration with trying to get the bricks in a straight line and level with the ground, my kids were driving me NUTS. The arguments amongst the three of them, the disobedience, the little ears that were ignoring my yelling from the flower bed...(ahem, my lazy parenting)

I yelled, I got up to discipline, I sighed, I got up to help someone, I huffed and puffed, and finally I dropped my shovel and level and declared, "That's it! We're all going inside."

On the way "inside,"

Titus fell off his skateboard and gashed his eyebrow...blood everywhere. I soothed him, cleaned him up, gave him a paper towel and told him to "hold this here," and went to help the other boys clean up their bikes and balls.

We discover a bird in our garage, and it won't leave. Apparently, it doesn't know how to get out, because it's flying around frantically. Great, now I have to help a helpless bird!

We open the door to go in, and the dog we are dog-sitting runs out. She's about as obedient as a, I think she's worse. Regain possession of dog, let's try this again...

Enter the kitchen and hear Josiah on the monitor crying. He's up from his nap. I'll be there when I can get there, poor baby number four.

View the dirt covering the kitchen floor, send Justus and Eli out back, go get Josiah out of bed, and proceed to sweep the floor while holding him.

Titus falls asleep on the bench at the kitchen the evening...2.5 hours before his bedtime. Lovely! Move sleeping child to living room couch, so we don't have anymore injuries to deal with when he decides to roll over in his sleep.

Justus comes in and says he needs to get something from the garage. Opens the door, dog runs out again. UgH!!! Josiah reminds me he is hungry, so I scoot the dog in with my foot and

push Justus in the door and say sternly, "GO BACK OUTSIDE!!!"

"Why are you mad at ME, Mom??" he asks

"I'm not mad at you, buddy, I'm just frustrated and stressed, and I need to feed Josiah, and I'm tired from working in the yard, and I haven't even started dinner yet, and I have to take care of everyone ALL the time, and it's just tough being a mom."

And after those words proceeded to go in his left ear and out the other, I thought to myself, "Oh, man. I'm going to have to apologize for that."

Fast forward to dinner at 7:30, yes I said 7:30...

I had to apologize to my kids today...and then I had to pray and ask the Lord to forgive me. It was awful. But also sweet and awesome at the same time.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't patient with you guys today. I was tired, and I shouldn't have yelled or gotten mad at you. Will you forgive me?"

(big smiles on their faces, "I forgive you!")

"Lord, thank You for blessing us with this food. Thank You for forgiving us of our sins. Thank You for sending Jesus to die on the cross for us. Please forgive me for behaving the way I did today, Lord. I need Your help. Teach me patience, love, and kindness. Bring Daddy home safely to us. In Jesus' name. Amen."

and Amen!


sunnyd said…
This is so real and so sweet :).
Jessica said…

That was my reaction too!

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